Do you feel that? Monday gone, see ya, you suck! So reading through my daily smut, I see yet another celeb decided to tongue wrestle with a nobody. The country crooner Jason Aldean thought it would be so cool to get chocolate wasted with sprinkles and forget he had a wife and children at home and make out with some girl who has the good year blimp on her chest. Seriously, people dot com her. You want her on your ship if it sinks.
This is what my dealio is. And I use naughty words so please don't take offence, but why do these famous people insist on being ate up with the dumbass? In a world of sex tapes, camera phones and audio devices of the secret agent kind, where do they think that someone, somewhere isn't going to catch them turning into a Rico Suave or the Long Island Lolita? This is why crazy bitches pull guns or cut off the peter cotton tails.
But here is my kicker. They always profess their undying sorrow. Apologize to their families and their fans and eventually we forget about it because they either make a movie everyone wants to see or writes a country song that relates to our dying dogs and we instantly fall right back in love. I wanna say hey pecker head, so you love your wife and children but you loved Bud Light more and your lips just turned into a magnetic force toward some chick just long enough for someone to take your picture. Oh, that's right Kristen Stewart just got out of her mess, so maybe there is hope for you. Yes, I agree that enough alcohol and the guy with cheap cologne and two teeth looks good, but shit do him quick because when you wake up in the morning your gonna see that your whole body could be ate up with a bad case of gingivitis.
Listen I am no saint, but I have never in my years of partying ever had a one night stand. I am not saying anyone is bad for doing so, but I guess I just didn't see the purpose of hurting someone over three minutes of yum yum and a puke fest until I passed out.
When will celebs learn that if you do a sex tape it will eventually leak out. If you go into a bar and decide to rub your hands on a hot chick like waxing a Corvette, someone is going to take a picture of it. If you turn into a gold fish lips begging for food when your master comes home and jet propel your tongue down someone's throat, your gonna get caught.
I wanna say don't do it, but then I wouldn't get to write a funny post about fixing stupid. Oh, wait you can't fix stupid.